I’m not exactly sure.

My feelings about you seem to change all the time.
I miss you, I hate you, I love you, I just don’t know anymore.
I’m confused.
I don’t get why you had to do all that.
It’s like I never want to talk to you again.
But then you call, and I get excited cause you’re there.
Talking.
No progress is shown.
It’s done.
Hang-ups.
Disappointment flows through.
Realizing I have no way to contact you.
Honestly, I don’t know, too many years have gone by and for half of them, you weren’t even there.
I don’t know you.
You don’t know me.
Separate worlds connected by a thread.
You give me stress.
I still love you.
I think.
But how can I love a stranger?
I think it’s appropriate to say I love the idea in my head.
The one, I’ve conjured up of you.
It would be good to actually know you.
Time has gone by.
I cry sometimes.
It all leads to this, this realization.
I’m never going to know you.
Never.
Oh, I would like to.
However, that’s like reaching for a star.
Impossible.
You shouldn’t have done that.
You make me weary.
I guess, I am content with your silence.
It’s okay, it’s alright.
This is our goodbye, or at least mine.
I’m sorry.
Shutting you out.

This is the last time I put up with you.
I hate that you pretend to care.
You make my heart happy, and my mind sad.
Thanks a lot.
I’ll get over it, I promise.
I’ll rise to the top, you’ll see.
I will be everything that you weren’t.
The chance has gone.
The plane has left.
It’s gone, time’s up.
Are you ready to give up?
Because I’m ready to fly.
High into the sky, and I’m ready to see.
See that you aren’t what you use to be.
I’m done with you.
You’re done with me.
It’s too late for us to get to know each other.

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3 Comments »

  1. slpmartin Said:

    I often think that family relationships are the hardest thing to write about…for I believe that perception becomes reality…even when the full story of a family is not told…for various reasons I think…sometimes due to some now forgotten code of honor….You provide a very strong poem.

    • namemelydia Said:

      Yeah, this was hard to write.
      It took like three edits to get it here because my feelings kept on changing, you know?
      It’s like hoping for something you’ve imagined or wished to be true, but it isn’t.
      And that hurts.
      I think people feel like this, the way I do.

      Thank you for reading it.

  2. Sporter Said:

    I often think that family relationships are the hardest thing to write about…for I believe that perception becomes reality…even when the full story of a family is not told…for various reasons I think…sometimes due to some now forgotten code of honor….You provide a very strong poem.
    +1


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